Friends first then dating
This friendship-first approach has fundamentally changed my understanding of dating and relationships.
Observe what happened next…A year after meeting Jessica, I needed to travel to a new city for work and I realized that I had no place to stay there.
As an online dating consultant and matchmaker, I’m a strong believer in the power of these referral networks.
After going on over 150 dates, trying out over 100 dating websites, and advising hundreds of individuals at all levels of dating experience, one thing consistently stands out to me: .
Using dating sites to find love is inefficient and prone to failure.
We typically set the stakes too high, and centuries worth of societal tropes and expectations can cripple the authenticity of our interactions.
It’s why wing[wo]men are so amazing to have around.
It’s why people are far more likely to connect with you on dating apps when you have friends in common. We need to remember that friendship is never a means to an end.
Using dating sites to meet new If you can steadily make friends via dating sites, your dating and romantic life will almost necessarily improve.Jessica later introduced me to yet another awesome friend in San Francisco, and once again, her friend and I ended up having amazing chemistry.Jessica and I met up as friends, without any overt attempts at wooing, courting, or sleeping with one another. She came to understand my background story and my relationship goals and preferences ( talk about these things all the time), and I learned about hers.We kept things friendly and fun rather than expecting things to turn romantic or physical right away.By not overtly expecting sex, commitment, or even compatibility upfront, and instead focusing on just creating a series of fun, memorable experiences, we had implicitly set the precedent for a approach to dating.
Genuine friendships drive human happiness, and when we want the best for the people we meet and strive to help them excel in the things they value, we are deepening our capacity for quality friendships.